Hello kind grown-up,
Friendships are one of the most important things in a child’s world.
And one of the most complicated.
Children feel friendship very deeply. When things are good, everything feels good. When something feels wobbly with a friend, it can colour everything — school, home, sleep, appetite.
What looks like a bad mood is often a bruised friendship.
What looks like a reluctance to go to school is often a child unsure of where they stand.
Children experience friendship difficulties in several ways:
A falling out — where something happened and feelings were hurt.
A drift — where a friend has become quieter or more distant for reasons that aren’t clear.
Feeling on the edge — where the group dynamic has shifted and they’re not sure where they belong.
All of these feel confusing. All of them carry an emotional weight that children often don’t have the words for yet.
What they need from us is not to fix it.
Friendships need space to find their own way — and when we rush in to solve, we sometimes take away the child’s chance to build their own tools for navigating them.
What helps most is this:
Being curious, not concerned.
“How are things with your friends at the moment?” is a gentler open door than “Is everything okay with Maisie?”
Validating without catastrophising.
“That sounds like it felt really confusing” is more helpful than “Oh that’s awful, do you want me to speak to the teacher?”
Gently widening the lens.
“I wonder if your friend might be having a tricky time too?” helps children move from feeling hurt to feeling curious — and curiosity is where connection lives.
One more thing worth remembering:
Friendships at this age ebb and flow naturally. They are practising. Practising connection, conflict, repair, kindness, and navigating difference.
Every wobbly week is teaching them something.
Our job is to stay steady beside them while they learn.
With warmth,
Lenny 🦁
